Another grand experiment...

This January, I am going to try to live without cable.

I'm not really an idle TV watcher. That is, I don't really flip through channels until I find something to watch. I have a few shows that I absolutely adore (Lost, anyone?) and those I record with the DVR unit my cable company provides and watch at my leisure.

A couple of months back, I realized my cable bill was shockingly high. A promotional deal I had with company had ended, so I called the customer service line. I canceled the premium channels and the helpful agent found other ways to reduce my bill; she put me on another promotional rate and even removed an additional monthly charge (if you haven't tried doing this, you really should. Most cable companies will find ways to reduce your bill to keep you as a customer). But even then, my monthly cable bill is just under $100, $40 of which is my Internet access.

Do I really need to pay for cable TV? I know lots of people who don't have cable television any more. They download their favorite shows from Amazon or iTunes or watch them for free on the channel's web site or wait until it comes out on DVD and get it from Netflix.

With so many other ways to get these shows, I decided to try out alternate viewing options for quality and ease of use. Granted, I don't have a swanky home theatre set-up. I have an XBox 360, an aging Toshiba Satellite lappy, an older Magnavox TV (24" or so, one of those heavy tube monsters) and of course, a cable modem with a wireless network. If I can get a decent picture and viewing experience with this, then the experiment will be a resounding success!

My Christmas Message

In case I missed anybody (I hope not), I am posting my Christmas greeting here.

I don't particularly like "the holidays." Actually, I pretty much loathe them. I can't tell you how much this time of year fills me with irritation, though that doesn't stop me from trying to explain the depth of my dislike. As I wake up each morning to NPR, the news this Christmas is especially gloomy. Talk in the elevator is about layoffs, with whispers of "how awful! and right before Christmas." As if any time of year is good to lose your job. So why do I feel so hopeful when everyone else is so anxious? Maybe because I still see people raising and giving money to people who need it (Cliff, that moustache looks fantastic; the class room who got the cameras should take a picture of it). Or that people are still following their dreams, economy be damned (I'll be in to pick up my comics soon, Terry, and Jeff, I really need a massage). People are still writing, creating art, making music, saving the environment and doing what they do best, just being good folks and good friends. I am writing to let you know I am your number one fan. (In a good, not-a-stalker-way.) Keep doing the magic that you do. You are making the world a better place and that gives me a lot of hope. On a less sappy note, I have made a "mixtape" of my favorite Christmas songs for your enjoyment (may not be suitable for work or small children or small, working children): XXX-Mas (a christmas mix for the grinch) Merry Christmas
Power to the People!	Peace and Love, Betsy (and Jack)	"Yo."

The Best Dream....

Had this amazing dream this morning. In it was a man I didn't recognize: he was white and well-built, with a shaved head and wearing a white t-shirt and jeans. Although several of my friends fit that description, I didn't recognize his face, though I could see it clearly. The dream started in a terrifying way - he was struck in the head with some sort of alien object. I was horrified to see the ruin of his skull, all the blood.

But, he didn't die. The wound healed itself, slowly, until you couldn't see where it had been. He woke up, and he was stronger than before. The object had merged with him, making him into a sort of superhero. His personality had changed somewhat, too. He was distant, though he still seemed to have his memories and recognized his friends.

Another object had struck another man, but it had completely taken him over and made him into a silvery metal being, somewhat like the Silver Surfer, but more like a tall and very strong robot. Some evil men were forcing the two to fight. I recognized that the silvery one was very powerful and would likely kill my friend. That's when I realized I was in love with him and he loved me, too. I hugged him and being near him was intoxicating. One of the men gave me weapons I was supposed to put on his hands and fingers, but they looked useless and flimsy. I embraced him again and I realized I was terrified to let him go into the arena.

I've had lots of "lovey" dreams and even a lot of sex dreams, but I woke up feeling so totally in love with this character that I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. I woke up feeling good.

Thoughts on Let the Right One In

I'm waiting in line to see Zack and Miri Make a Porno, so I have some time to blog about the last movie I saw. I enjoyed this Swedish film about the friendship between a lonely 12 year old boy and a vampire girl more than my 2 companions did, mosly because of a disagreement about what makes a film "horror" or not. I felt this was a horror film in the classic sense, like the original Dracula or Nosferatu. There is a little gore for sure and some disturbing, creepy scenes, but no jump-out-of-your-skin scares. The stars of the film, the young actors who play Oskar and Eli, are sincere and utterly believable; in particular, I loved the weary inhumanness of Eli. With just a little make-up and oddly effective sound effects, the film makers transform her into a real monster. Even their takes on old vampire lore, like what happens when a vampire isn't invited inside, feel fresh and interesting. The real pleasure of the film is the deep friendship that develops between 2 very lonely and lost kids. It's simply a beautifully made film.

The Pleasure of Being Robbed...

...is my first film viewing of the festival and I'm not sure how I feel about it. The film has an indie aesthetic, filmed on the cheap with minimal editing. The main character is a young, scruffy woman who with absolute fearlessness steals from nearly everyone she meets. Yes, she is poor, but she doesn't seem at all interested in the money or possessions. She examine the contents of purses, bags, even cars, with intense curiosity, then abandons them when the novelty or usefulness wears off. Rather than present a narrative, we watch the girl watch and pry into the belongings of others without any real consequence. Even being arrested only seems to slow her down, not stop her. The film feels very raw; without a story (in the mainstream sense, a least) the scenes feel random and I felt both curious about where the film was going and a sense of alarm at her brazen thefts. Although it was very funny and sweetly quirky in spots, I'm not sure how I feel about this film. It meandered a little too much for my taste, but it definitely kept me interested.

My Chicago Film Festival Schedule

I love October. It includes my two favorite holidays: Halloween and the Chicago Film Festival. I have put together a tentative schedule of films I want to see. If you want to join me or have suggestions for alternate films, please tweet me @eris404, email me or post a comment.

[EDIT]Jeff has helpfully pointed out that I missed SYNECDOCHE, NEW YORK. Also, due to low funds, I was able to buy only a 10 film pass, which limits my options somewhat. Updated schedule below.

[EDIT TO THE EDIT] Ack! The Wrestler and Synedoche are sold out! Edits below.

Friday, 17 October

Friday is a big night, with 3 films in a row all at the same location (AMC River East).

THE PLEASURE OF BEING ROBBED
Why I want to see it: Sounds interesting and it was well received at Cannes, for what that's worth.
Time: 6 PM



LET THE RIGHT ONE IN
Why I want to see it: There's been some buzz on the Intarwebs about this vampire/horror flick.
Time: 10 PM

Tueday 21 October

ZACK AND MIRI MAKE A PORNO
Why I want to see it: Kevin Smith - sorry, I can't help myself.
Time: 8:15 PM
Place:  AMC River East

Wednesday 22 October

SLEEP DEALER
Why I want to see it: This looks like an awesome SciFi film.
Time: 7:00 PM
Place:  AMC River East

Friday 24 October

THE WRESTLER
Why I want to see it: Four words: Directed by Darren Aronofsky ( who directed Pi and Requiem for a Dream). OK, that's actually 12 words.
Time: 8 PM

Sunday 26 October

This day is sort of all over the place. I'm less sure about these films, especially since they are playing at different theatres all over the city.

TERRIBLY HAPPY
Time: 12:00 PM
Place:  AMC River East

TOKYO!
Time: 2:30 PM
Place:  600 N. Michigan



Monday 27 October

FEAR(S) OF THE DARK / PEUR(S) DU NOIR
Why I want to see it: The animation looks cool and spooky.
Time: 6:15 PM
Place:  AMC River East


Tuesday, 28 October

ONCE UPON A TIME IN THE WEST
Why I want to see it: Do I really have to explain why?
Time: 7:00 PM
Place:  Music Box

Dream 12

Had a terrifying dream. It started innocently enough: I was in a large comic book store, where Neil Gaiman was putting in an appearance. He was acting as a "guest clerk," ringing up customers and giving recommendations. I remember chatting with him and have a friendly conversation.

I remember leaving the store and being on the vague, twisty streets that my subconscious creates for my dream city. I walked for a bit, and something else happened, but the dream events that happened afterwards made me forget.

The dream suddenly turned nasty. The location switched to the basement of the house where i grew up, a dark, damp place that smelled of mildew. A male friend of mine was there and came on to me. I was horrified and drew back. This only made him angry; the more I backed away from him and refused his advances, the more persistent, mad and violent he became. I truly feared in the dream that he would rape me, something so out of character for this person in real life that it shook me. Before my subconscious could take me to that horrible place, I woke up. I felt nauseated, as if the encounter had actually happened.

For a roll of quarters...

So, I needed to get a roll of quarters to do laundry and decided to go to my bank. Mostly I was trying to avoid paying a fee at a Currency Exchange to do so, but also I knew where my bank was, whereas finding a decent Currency Exchange downtown can be a challenge. I hadn't been to the bank in a long time. I check my account nearly daily online, I get cash from ATMs and I almost never need to make a deposit, so I admit I must have looked lost while searching for the tellers.

"Do you need help?" a pretty woman asked me. She was polished, wearing a dark suit and looking well above handing out change. I told her I needed a teller to get a roll of quarters and she laughed and directed me to her cubicle. If I had my ID card and my debit card handy, she would be happy to get my quarters.

That's when I realized my blunder. You see, I am broke. I have been living from paycheck to paycheck for months. The reason I check my account nearly daily is to update a detailed spreadsheet of expenses I keep in hopes of getting myself out of this mess. So I knew she would find out what I already knew: my credit card was maxed out and checking account had fallen into the negative.

I had already resigned myself to the additional fees. I had made a mistake and forgotten to add an automatic payment in my spreadsheet which caused this expensive blunder. I'll get paid soon, the fees will be paid and I'll move on. I told her I had some cash in hand (borrowed from a friend), that I didn't need to withdraw it from my account, but it was too late. Her face fell when she saw the negative balance, the credit card straining its limit. She left me alone for a moment and I wondered, weirdly, if she was checking with some supervisor who would confiscate my $10 to pay off some of the late charges. But she didn't; she returned and with a cheery smile, handed me a roll of quarters.

"Even though your card is maxed out, they've approved you for another smaller card," she told me. She turned her screen towards me so that I could see my banking information for myself. I pretended to look while the buzz of embarrassment filled my mind. The antidepressants must be working, because before I would have flushed and choked up with tears of shame.

"It's only a $300 limit, but it will certainly help in an emergency," she added. She didn't need to add "like now."

I wanted to say, I don't need another credit card, I'm trying to get out of debt, not wrack up more, but I just said, "I'll be fine. I get paid on Friday."

'It's Wednesday," she countered. I'm a decent judge of people. I get that she's a salesperson, that she might even get some sort of bonus for each new card she talks someone into, but there was an edge of pity in her voice. She pressed the point only a little: how are you getting by, are you sure you don't need it?

All I wanted was a roll of quarters to do laundry.

"I will be fine," I insisted.

She pressed her business card into my hand before I left, in case I should change my mind and accept her offer, and advised me not to use my debit card and make things worse. Yes, I know this already, and no, I haven't used it all week, but there was no point in telling her these things. Why do I should I care what she thinks of me? What use would it be to say, no, I'm usually very responsible, I've been a self-sufficient adult for a long time, honestly!  But as I walked back to work, I couldn't help replaying the conversation in my head. I saw the concern in her face, heard her perky voice, over and over, her misplaced sympathy. I'm not sure which makes me feel worse, the lack of money or the pity of a complete stranger.

But tonight I'll do my laundry.

My New TV Boyfriend

Yes, I such a geek girl that I develop crushes on TV characters. My newest crush is Marshall Mann, one of the U.S. Marshals on the show In Plain Sight. Of course, I like the main character, Mary, his partner, too, but Marshall has slowly been winning my heart. He has a dry voice, a quirky sense of humor and a head for trivia. This last episode, poor Marshall got shot and he walked Mary through inserting a tube in the wound to help him to breathe, all the while explaining the science behind it. I think I fell in love with him when he was explaining to Mary why he was considering leaving the Marshals: "It's like you're this exotic animal I'm in charge of and I have to protect you from the world and the world from you." Not exactly poetry, but it is delivered with such pain that you could really see how much Marshall loves Mary. And dammit, I have a really big soft spot for protective guys.

watermelon

So, I'm at my friends' (Terry and Lisa) house, having a barbecue in their backyard. We've had steaks, chicken and some giant hot dogs. I'm full as a tick and I'm amused as hell that I can blog without a computer.

Earlier today I went out looking for an iced americano (and found one at Metropolis Cafe down the street) and saw one of those guys with the bicycle-driven ice cream carts. I decided needed a popsicle; there is a mexican brand of fruit-flavored ones that I love. The man didn't have those, but he did have watermelon ones. I discovered these were actually slices of watermelon frozen on sticks. They were very sweet and had intense flavor. It reminded me of the watermelon we had on Emeishan in Sichuan, which in turn brought up a flood of memories of the students who befriended us, temples overlooking cliffs, thunderstorms on mountaintops and thieving monkeys.

Happy Buddha Day

Today, Buddhists everywhere celebrate the life of Buddha. Sort of like Christmas, except without the crass commercialism.

I have always loved Buddha. As a kid, we always had at least one statue of him around the house. Officially, we were Catholic, but it was also the 70s and everyone was a little bit hippy. My mom loved incense and wind chimes and Indian and Chinese art (my older siblings simply loved pot). My favorite Buddha, somewhat ironically, was a plaster coin bank that was so heavy with change that it was nearly immobile. I wonder what Buddha would have made of that.

Regardless, as a child, I could relate to Buddha more than I could Christ. Even off the cross, Jesus was serious and sad. And a little bit scary: we had a picture of him on our stairs that showed his heart outside of his body and either on fire or crowned with thorns.

But Buddha was either cheerful or beautifully serene. His statues were magnets for children; as kids, and later my nieces and nephews, we loved rubbing his tummy, which we were told would bring us luck. As an adult, I feel such peace and love when I look at paintings and statues of him.

Unless it's the buddha bank, which is now at my sister's house. Then I'm thinking about how I can steal it from her. She can keep the money, I just want the statue.

What I'm Listening to Now: Nine Inch Nails - The Slip

Downloaded this last night and installed it on the iPodPerson. On first listen, most of it reminds me of the music from Ghosts, although a little harder and fuzzier, maybe. I haven't deciphered the lyrics yet, but I'm intrigued. Some sound on the angry political side, others seem to be giving a big "fuck you" to Reznor's critics. In between Downward Spiral and Ghosts, I didn't buy any NIN because I didn't think he (they?) were doing anything all that interesting. But his sound since Ghosts has matured a little; he's still as angry and self-indulgent as ever, but now he's producing lush, eerie soundtracks to dystopia that raise the hair on the back of my neck. And really, isn't that what you want from a band called "Nine Inch Nails?"

Happiness is a warm computer...

The Satellite of Love (my Toshiba Satellite laptop) got a well-deserved overhaul last night. I archived big files, got rid of bloated programs (good bye Nero and BitDefender!), defragmented the hard drive, and ran CCleaner to get rid of unnecessary files and fix any registry problems. It's so nice to have a clean computer again, but the bloat was only part of the problem. My real problem is RAM. I have only 1 gig, but I'll have to upgrade to 2 soon. Of course, maybe if I wasn't running resource hogs like Photoshop that would help.

Now that my computer is clean, of course I added a bunch of new programs. I downloaded Avast (because I'm too nervous to go without) and CDBurnerXP (a free and much, much lighter DVD burning software) to replace the horror that is Nero. I had to install a torrent client in order to download the new Nine Inch Nails album (more on that later) and I finally got around to installing that free version of Bryce (3D modeling software). That last one is the least necessary and may be uninstalled depending on how much I like it.

The Satellite will be 3 years old in June and I'm hoping to squeeze a few more years out of the old boy yet. :)

Summer 2008 will be amazing

This summer is going to be crazy-busy and fun.

For one thing, there are so many movies coming out that I think I will be back to seeing at least one movie a week, something I haven't done since my film school days. Off the top of my head, I can list at ten movies I am dying to see and there are probably ten more that I am forgetting or am not as excited about but will probably see anyway.

On the top of my list (and probably everyone else's) is The Dark Knight. I saw I Am Legend at the IMax just so that I could see the "trailer." I put the word trailer in quotes because it was about 5 minutes of actual, completed footage from the movie. You can find some pretty awful video of it on YouTube (think hand-held camera smuggled into a theater) if you want to see it, but trust me, it was well worth the inflated IMax ticket price alone.

At the very least, I have to see my city stand in for Gotham. I can't tell you how proud I am that Chicago is Gotham; I truly love this city and it's nice that someone else appreciates it enough to use it as the Batman's city.

True story: my friend Keidra attended a meeting recently and realized that it was being held in Bruce Wayne's "bedroom." How cool is that?

Aside from movies, Lollapalooza happens in August and I have to see Nine Inch Nails play in Grant Park. Also in June is Wizard World Chicago, our answer to ComiCon - that deserves a post of its own for several reasons. And summer wraps up with Nick Cave and Bad Seeds playing down the street from me at the Riv in September.

This is going to be spectacular.

Iron Man

Here's the short, spoiler-free review: it's really good. Go see it.

I was very surprised by how much I liked this movie. Sure, I love comic books and I love movies and I like Jon Favreau. I even used to watch his Dinner for Five television show, even if it did get pretentious at times (as an aside, watch any episodes with Peter Berg - the man tells great stories). But, I did go in knowing next to nothing about the Iron Man character, and I had read some advanced reviews that were mixed, saying the pacing was off or some such. And in the end, the movie is about superheroes, a subject matter for Hollywood that tends to be hit or miss. Superheroes are often dismissed as fluff or worse, escapist fantasies for overgrown boys; the much-maligned, garish and vapid Batman movies produced by Joel Schumacher come to mind as falling into both categories.

I think what surprised me about this movie was how much soul it possesses. There is a sincerity to the actors, who seem to be both having fun and taking the material seriously. Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark/Iron Man is especially good. He is at his witty and charming best as the womanizing, boozing Stark, but he also gives the character depth. Stark, a brilliant weapons inventor, is kidnapped by warlords/terrorist group while on a promotional tour in Afghanistan, and his fear (and later outrage) is nearly palpable. He has excellent chemistry with Gwenyth Paltrow, who plays Pepper Potts, Stark's capable and quick-witted assistant. Romance in action movies often feels ham-fisted and tacked on, an afterthought, but here the budding relationship is actually touching. "I don't have anyone else," Stark admits to her, and though he states this as a simple fact, we can also detect the loneliness lying beneath his admission.

The dialog is where this movie really exceeds. It reveals the development of the characters with grace. There are two "monologues' that really stand out. The first is a speech from Raza, the leader of the terrorists, to Stark while in captivity. Unlike his men, Raza presents himself as a confident, polished and cultured man. He talks of history, particularly of Genghis Khan and the conquering of Asia. In a lesser movie, this would have been the rantings of a power-hungry mad man, but Raza is a practical man, shrewd and ambitious.

The second monologue comes from an exhausted Tony Stark, having returned to the U.S. after a harrowing escape. Surrounded by reporters, Stark is not his flippant, party-boy self. He is introspective and begins by saying "I never got a chance to say good-bye to my father." Stark's late father, a genius who worked on the Manhattan Project, haunts his son throughout the movie. Stark is always reminded of his father's brilliance and his father's belief in the weapons their company produces. But after his three-month ordeal, Stark wonders aloud to the press how his father truly felt about being one of the inventor's of the atomic bomb and the suffering it caused. Having seen his own weapons being used against U.S. soldiers (ones he had only moments before had been joking with) and Afghani civilians alike, he realizes he wants to make up for the pain and destruction his inventions have caused.

This scene underscores what I feel is the message of the movie. In one sense, Stark is the United States - selfish, wealthy, shallow and profiting from war. But underneath that indolent exterior, is a good heart, ingenuity and sincere desire to atone for past mistakes. Stark wants to turn his genius towards solving problems, like finding new energy sources. Ultimately, he takes on the role of Iron Man to destroy the weapons he created, protect those whose lives are threatened by them and thereby be redeemed. In this movie, I found a message of hope for my country, that we can turn away from war and use our superpowers for good instead of evil. It's not too late for us to be redeemed.

If I find any fault with the movie, it lies with the characterization of Obediah Stane, Stark's erstwhile mentor, business partner and friend, but also the real villain of this story. Jeff Bridges does an excellent job with what he's given, but the character descends into the mindlessly-greedy, jealous, insane, corporate villain used many times before. I think had Stane been portrayed more like Raza he would have made a much more interesting, and in the end effective, antagonist for Stark. We don't really get to see Stark deal with Stane's betrayal in meaningful way and I think that was a missed opportunity to elevate Stane to the true villainy he deserves.

My rating: 9 out of 10

Dream Fragment?

Last night, I dreamed about meeting a comic book writer. I think maybe it was Frank Miller? I think I was at a comic book convention. I have no memory of anything else.

Dream 11

This was a very sad dream. In it, I caught my sister in bed with my ex-boyfriend. I was crushed, completely betrayed by both of them. I screamed at him, "How could you? She's married!" He tried to tell me that I couldn't be upset, because I had told him he could date other people. Meanwhile, my sister simply grinned evilly at me. I was so angered by this that I tried to physically hurt her. I wrung her neck, tried hitting her, but nothing stopped her from smiling and laughing at me. A conscious part of me knew I didn't want to hurt her, that I love her and that she would never do something like this, which made the dream all the more disturbing.

Dream 10

In this dream, I was in a casino. I placed several bets at the roulette wheel, being careful to be conservative with my chips; I think I was cheating or maybe someone was plotting to take my winnings, because several people were watching me. When I had won several times, I took my chips and went to a blackjack table. Again, I was very conservative with my bets, as I was conscious that if I won too much or too conspicuously, my winnings would be taken from me.

Dream 9

I dreamed that I had a stalker. In the dream, the stalker was "played" by a famous actor, who showered me with gifts: clothes, flowers, etc. I became afraid of him, but finally worked up the nerve to tell him to go away. He became enraged and tried to get into my apartment. I was about to take a shower and so was naked (of course! isn't that how it always works in these dreams?). I had to run around locking doors and windows. He found every potential escape route and pounded and screamed at me to let him in. Finally, I ran to my bathroom, locked the door and sat with my back against it in case he got in.

When he left, I grabbed a few things and immediately looked for a new apartment. I signed a lease for the first one I found. When I returned to my old apartment, the door was open and I could that my apartment had been ransacked. All my furniture and clothes had been broken or shredded.