I can't feel angry without feeling guilty afterward. I always wonder if I look like a complete ass...am I overreacting? should I just let whatever made me angry wash over me like water?

I suppose so. In most cases, that would be the "bigger" thing to do, to let go of petty annoyances and wounded feelings. But then I wonder if I'm letting the offender use me as a door matt. And then I wonder if I really deserve to be angry...maybe it's my fault that this is happening.

On and on I argue with myself. I can't feel anything without analyzing into oblivion first.

This Saturday, Andy and I are supposed to go to Joe's house for his daughter's birthday. Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but I just feel so distanced from them. I don't feel like I want to make the effort, which is just so shitty. If they ask about whether I've found a job or not, my ulcer will explode, and I will finally die and not have to deal with anything.

God, my mood is changing faster than my brain can keep up. I know I am finally going crazy, and that's OK. Something has to give, and I guess it's me.