I'm on my first big trip alone. I went to Nashville for a conference for work. I'm at Vanderbilt University which has a beautiful campus, though the weather is very, very warm and humid.

Nashville is an, uh, odd town. It's very spread out and in spots it's feel much smaller than it is. Some of the residents have been surprisingly friendly, others have been a little slow and unhelpful, but not rude like they are in Chicago. My hotel was a bad choice, since they have few amenities and are far from the college, but that was my fault for not doing more research.

Being here just underscore my need to figure out what the hell I should be doing with my life. The sessions are actually great, but I have so little interest in my job that it's difficult to work up the enthusiasm.

I miss Andy and Surly. Walking up in a strange place has been disconcerting. I have to sleep with the TV on or else I wake up at every little noise. I feel so bad about myself lately. This morning when I looked in the mirror, I saw my mother's face and overweight body. I thought about how much she hated herself, from the way she looked to her "mousy" personality and lack of adventure. I simultaneously hated her and myself. I had to tell myself that I'm not her, that she wouldn't have done half of the things I have. I also have to tell myself not to be so hard on her either. She did the best that she could, and I think that in the end she loved her life as best she could.